wishes_xjanx (wishes_xjanx) wrote,
wishes_xjanx
wishes_xjanx

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Can't Say I Love You

Title: Can't Say I Love You
Pairing(s): YeMin, side!broken!Minwook
Genre: Romance, Angst
Rating(s): PG; 2865 words
Summary: Yesung wants to let Sungmin have a better life.
A/N: Based on 2AM - Can't Say I Love You. I love that song.. because it's really ironic how the ending tells the listener the singer's actual feelings. It's a mix of conflicting emotions and I find it's beautifully portrayed. Don't worry, this isn't too angsty; because I promised a happy ending to cheerguangyu - and I always keep my promises. =]

It's funny how I always use 2AM's songs. >.< Enjoy!~

& HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! ^^

--

Started: 11th January 2011, 7:06AM
Completed: 1st February 2011, 11:58:50PM

--

"You have to go," Yesung said solemnly.

"Why? I don’t want to," Sungmin replied indignantly.

"Sungmin, don’t be like this. We've already agreed not to meet," Yesung reasoned weakly.

"I don’t care. I love you."

The elder sighed, furrowing his eyebrows in frustration. "I told you I didn’t want to see you again when we broke up."

"It can’t stop me from loving you," Sungmin retorted.

"Don’t you get it? I don’t love you anymore!"

"It's not what your eyes tell me... If this is about how different we are, don’t even start. I’m not one to give up on what I feel - what we feel - just because of what society thinks. If that's what you're thinking of, you can totally drop the idea of it,” the younger said with finality as he crossed his arms cross his chest.

Yesung frowned as he sighed inwardly. He had forgotten how his boyfriend – no – ex-boyfriend could read him like a book, just like how he could with him. Nonetheless, he didn’t understand why the younger wouldn’t leave him alone; he had told him endless times that he didn’t love him, that he didn’t want to see the other anymore, but his words always fell on deaf ears.

“Just... listen to your parents, Sungmin. You have someone at home, waiting for you to go back to them. I’m not worth it,” Yesung said as he turn away from the latter and speedily walked away from him.

-x-

Yesung didn’t understand – couldn’t – understand why it was so hard for Sungmin to leave him. It was such a simple thing, but the younger always came to find him. It took him all he could not to throttle the man, wanting to shake some sense into him. He wasn’t worth it – the younger had so many things to do, to see, that Yesung’s world was not meant for him. He belonged to his family’s world, to live a luxurious life and have what he always wanted.

Yesung couldn’t comprehend what was wrong with Sungmin’s fiancé that his parents chose for him. Ryeowook was shy and gentle, a perfect match for Sungmin. They were alike in so many ways that they didn’t need to speak to understand one another. Without a doubt, even when Yesung and Sungmin could understand each other when they were not talking, they were polar opposites.

Sungmin came from a rich family; his family owned a company that practically owned the whole of Seoul. He was the only child, as well as the family’s baby. Despite them spoiling him senseless, he was humble and kind. He had a generous heart and never wanted more than what he needed. On the contary, Yesung came from a poor family. His father was a gambling addict, and so they owed debts to many different sources. He was the oldest in the family, and had to work part time so that he could afford the school fees for his younger brother. He had grown up to survive, and was more masculine in more ways than one. He was very protective of his loved ones and had some tough qualities.

They had met when they were young – Yesung had been under a big tree near the neighbourhood playground when Sungmin came across him. The younger had heard sobbing and had wanted to find the source of it. When he did though, he was taken aback from the heart wrenching sight. Without knowing why, he had gone up to the other boy and wrapped his small arms around him.

“It’s alright... Everything will be fine,” Sungmin murmured into the elder’s ears, hoping to assure the boy.

Yesung automatically raised his arms and brought them around Sungmin’s waist, pulling the other closer to him as he cried into his chest.

“It’s not okay. It’ll never be okay,” he said, his frustrations too much for a nine year old to handle.

“It will be. Trust me,” Sungmin said, not fully understanding the words or why he said it.

Yesung looked up, staring into the younger’s dark brown orbs. “Promise?”

“Promise.”



Since that fateful day, the two would meet at the playground every week secretly – hiding the meeting from their parents. They were not concerned with their background and would ignore the snide comments from the other kids who frequented the area. They were happy just by being with each other and that was what mattered the most.

It was when they reached their teens that Yesung finally realized the bitter truth. They were too different in many ways, and he was preventing the younger to enjoy the life he was supposed to have. He was becoming a burden, and he didn’t want to avert Sungmin from the path he should have.

Yesung thought it would be best to leave the other, and had hinted many times to him, but to no avail. Sungmin didn’t want to acknowledge it, didn’t want to stay away from Yesung, and didn’t want to stop loving the elder. It wasn’t until his parents announced he was to have an arranged marriage to help the business prosper and maintain its stability that he felt helpless for the first time. He had refused, and fought back so hard that he had gotten a slap on his cheek, as well as being stopped from seeing Yesung for a month. During that period of time, Sungmin did not take his meals regularly and was not his usual cheerful self. It was an act of defiance – the feelings of rebellion somehow merged with the grief of not being allowed to see his lover – and thus, his parents had no choice but to bring Yesung to persuade the other to eat.

The first thing Sungmin did was to throw himself at the elder, hugging him so tightly and possessively. He kissed Yesung feverishly, hands thrown around his neck, pulling him closer. When they parted for air, he slumped against the strong built tiredly, his eyes closing as he smiled softly.

“I love you so much, Jongwoon. Don’t ever leave me, okay?”

And it took all he had not to carry Sungmin out of the house and run to a far away place where it was just them, and only them.

-x-

It was inevitable though, because Sungmin’s parents held a lot of power while Yesung had only himself to depend on. The time came where they met and Yesung was encouraged to break up with their son, with promises of privileges and money. When Yesung refused, they threatened his career and his brother’s, and yet, he held his stand, saying that nothing could ever stop their love.

Sungmin’s parents didn’t go on with the threat because they knew how their son would react to it. However, they did invite his fiancé to live in their house, hoping that their son would fall out of love with Yesung and into love with Ryeowook. Their plan failed though, because Sungmin had simply no interest in the younger, and wanted only his boyfriend.

It wasn’t long before Yesung suggested their breakup, giving the excuse of how he fell out of love with Sungmin. He merely understood how their world clashed and how he prevented Sungmin from doing all the things he wanted to do – the younger had wanted to be a musician, a singer based on his talents, but had helped the elder to achieve it instead. Sungmin didn’t get what he wanted because of him, and he didn’t feel all that great about it. He wanted his lover to have all the best things in the world, and not make do with a lower expectation. He wanted his lover to look his best and enjoy life, instead of suffering with him, trying to make ends meet. And so, he let go of the other, wanting Sungmin to go back to the world he had, where everything was luxurious and he had all he wanted.

It was not easy though, as the younger had clung to him, crying and begging him not to leave him alone. He had to avoid looking at his boyfriend to go through with his plan, especially since he could not bear to see the tear-stricken face.

Please, Yesung, don’t go,” Sungmin pleaded, his tears falling rapidly down his cheeks.

“Don’t leave me alone!”

Yesung closed his eyes momentarily, relishing in the other’s hold on him before freeing himself. Affection gripped his heart as he felt the other’s touch, and he wanted to keep him beside him forever. But no, he can’t, not anymore; he can’t keep blocking Sungmin’s way in life. Forcing himself to look at the latter, he stared at Sungmin’s torn expression; his heart telling him to soothe those tears away and hug him tightly, yet he buried those feelings deep under and lashed out coldly, “Stop it! I don’t love you anymore and I don’t want to see you either. Goodbye, Sungmin.”

-x-

He was a fool for hurting his boyfriend, he knew. But what could he do? He was a poor man, someone who was training to debut as a singer, and had no income whatsoever. The days to come would be difficult, and he didn’t want his lover to go through those hardships. Yet how was he supposed to live without his other half? The shining sun of his life, the angel that gave him happiness – he had pushed him away, pushed all they had away. Yesung can’t say he loves him anymore, he can’t ask him to wait for him anymore – he had already lost his rights to.

Nevertheless, before he could break down at the thought of losing his most precious person, the other appeared right in front of him. Sungmin gave a small smile, pulling his arms behind him as he rocked himself on his feet.

“Hey,” he whispered, eyes casting to the floor.

“What are you doing here?” Yesung said icily, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

“I... I’m sure you know tomorrow’s the wedding. I love you, Yesung – no, Jongwoon – and I don’t want to get married to anyone other than you. But it’s too late, right...?” Sungmin paused, looking up briefly to see Yesung’s expression, slightly hoping there would be some sort of emotion, but he was only met with emptiness. Disappointed, he continued, “I just came to say my last ‘I love you’s. After today, I can’t say that to another anymore because I would be unfaithful to Ryeowook if I did. So... I love you, Jongwoon. I really do... I just wished you did, too. Goodbye.”

His tone softened as tears gathered in his eyes. Wiping at them hastily, he offered a wry smile before turning around and running out of the room, his footsteps echoing throughout the hallway. Yesung stood still for a full minute, then slumped against the wall, and eventually slid to the ground. His tears broke free subsequently, his controlled emotions breaking free from his sealed heart. He let out a strangled cry, a hand covering his mouth to muffle his sobs. His body wrecked with agony, he closed his eyes as he lied on the floor, lifeless and unmoving.

I love you, too, Sungmin. More than you can imagine.

-x-

Yesung roamed the streets aimlessly, dragging his feet all the way. Today was Sungmin and Ryeowook’s wedding day. He wished he couldn’t feel anything, however, he knew it was impossible. Unconsciously, he walked further, sloppily making his way to the younger’s house. He stood in front of the doorway for some time before coming to his senses.

Gaping, he stared at the house in front of him, wondering how the hell he got there, and decided it was best if he left – no one would be there anyway. He was wrong though, for the door opened to reveal Sungmin in a black tuxedo and Ryeowook in a white one. Behind them, their family and guests stood, ushering the couple to get into the car to go to the church. Yet when they saw who was standing at the gate, all mutterings were stopped and the silence became suffocating. Yesung widened his eyes in surprise, spinning around immediately, and was about to take off when he heard heavy footsteps running towards him and grabbing his arm, efficiently preventing him from running away.

He turned back to face the person, and was once again astonished to realize it was Sungmin. The younger man was looking at him hopefully, his eyes full of love, concern, worry and fear. The fear was the most obvious one amongst all, but Yesung could clearly see the love the other still held. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he tried to free himself once more, but was held tight. He glanced around frantically, sensing the discomfort from the family and guests behind them, as well as his own panic. He was afraid he could not hold himself back any longer, and wished Sungmin would just let go of him. He’d then get away, and they would all live happy lives separately.

Yeah, right,’ Yesung thought bitterly. There was no way he’d live a happy life without Sungmin. Yet he knew, his happiness was not as important as the other, and he would give him everything he could to achieve that. Gathering his last ounce of strength, he managed a weak, “What are you doing?” before he was pulled closer to the smaller man.

The kiss they shared was gentle and soft, slow and needy. Their love flowed out of them instantly, leaving themselves bare for all to see. Yesung didn’t realize that Sungmin had already released his hold on him and had draped his arms around his neck instead. Feeling himself lose control, he wrapped his arms across the younger’s waist and pulled him closer, relishing in the warm body against his.

When they broke apart for air, Yesung didn’t let go like he should have. Instead, he leaned his forehead against the other and murmured softly, “I love you, too, Sungmin. I want to ask you to wait for me, but I can’t be so selfish. You must carry on with your life happily and enjoy it as much as you can. You won’t be able to do it with me around, so I have to leave… I want you to be happy, Min. Even if I can’t say I love you anymore, know that I still do, and will always do.”

He leaned into the hug more, tightening his hold as he closed his eyes to stop the tears from flowing. He knew he made the right decision and there was no turning back now. Releasing his embrace, he made to move away but Sungmin continued to hug him tightly.

The younger’s body was shaking uncontrollably and soft, muffled sobs were beginning to be heard. As his shirt began to get wet, he returned the hug and rubbed Sungmin’s back soothingly. “Sshhh... Don’t cry, Minnie. It’s your wedding, no? You ought to be the happy groom,” Yesung whispered in his ear, unintentionally making the latter cry harder. Pulling away, Sungmin sniffled as he rubbed his eyes, evidently trying to clear his tears. Hiccupping, he croaked, “I’ll only be happy if you’re my groom. I love you, Jongwoon. Please don’t leave me again... I need you.”

The moment he finished his sentence, tears started to flow once more, wetting his already tear-stained cheeks. Yesung frowned, bringing the smaller man into his embrace once more to comfort him. “I can’t stay, Min-ah. Your family is waiting for you, can’t you see that? I shouldn’t have come here in the first place – I’m making things worse for you,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to the other’s temple. Sungmin frantically clutched his shoulders, forcing him to remain where he were. “No, you can’t leave me, Jongwoon. I won’t let you. I don’t care about luxury or whatever you want me to have. I just want you, and only you. I can’t be happy without you, why can’t you understand that?” Sungmin said, his voice rising to make his point across.

A loud gasp was heard from the back, and Sungmin could hear murmurs rise from the crowd again. It was then that parents decided to head towards them and control the situation. Coaxing the two apart, the couple shook their head in resignation. They exchanged a look with each other before turning to the crowd. They looked apologetically at Ryeowook and his family as they addressed the audience. “We’re sorry to announce this, but the wedding is cancelled. Dinner will carry on as planned, but just not for celebrating. We apologise for wasting everyone’s time.”

Sungmin gasped in surprise when his parents ended their speech. He turned to Yesung to see his shocked expression mirrored in the other’s. Chuckling in delight, he hugged the elder happily, and wrapped his legs around Yesung’s waist.

“I love you, Jongwoon,” he said deliriously.

“I love you, too, Sungmin,” Yesung whispered, claiming his lips once more.

He smiled through the kiss, relishing the feel of Sungmin’s lips against his and the younger’s warm body snuggled close to him.

“I love you, Minnie. So, so much.”
Tags: fanfic/pairing: minwook, fanfic/pairing: yemin, fanfic: angst, fanfic: one-shot, fanfic: romance, fanfic: ryeowook, fanfic: sungmin, fanfic: superjunior, fanfic: yesung
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