So. Stumbled upon a post saying that SJ had great bonds. Then I started thinking about SS501.. and then I started to think of myself.
I kind of feel envious of them. Super Junior have great bonds.. They are like brothers. SS501
were are close "brothers", too.
I used to have such close friends that we were practically like sisters. We'll talk on the phone all day, even if there were no topic to talk about. Back then in kindergarten we had no personal handphones - we had to use the home line - but it was fun. It was like some kind of sanctuary. But even in primary school I had close friends, too. People that I believed would be there for me no matter what. Of course, I thought wrong for a few people.. I didn't know - still don't - what I did to deserve it, but I was okay after that. Because I made another close friend after that. Someone who's so stuck in my mind that I wished we were the same all the time.
I realised she didn't sms me a birthday wish this year. I felt.. there was this indescribable wry sadness.
Secondary school felt harder. I have no labels to give. No one to call "close friends" or "sisters". I don't know. I didn't push for anyone to give me labels, I didn't try to find out who I was to them. It didn't feel right, you know? To find out something that no one wanted to tell you, or didn't think to tell you. But then again, labels are just that - labels. It doesn't mean anything. Yet, at the same time, it gives a sort of security.
On the other hand, I have no care for words. (Or labels to be specific.) I just want to know that secure feeling. To know that at the end of the day, someone's there that I can rely on. That we're actually close friends. That I'm actually needed.
So maybe I'm thinking into this way too much, because before you go off thinking I'm a loner - and I'm not
(But it does explain why my phone is pretty much dead and I have no actual use for it) - I do have friends. I even have a "family". But sometimes I feel like an outsider, y'know? Like it'll be okay if I'm not there anyway. It's that kind of feeling that makes me all melancholy like this. Idek why I suddenly felt this way. Or perhaps it's been there for a long time and I've been ignoring it.
Guess what I saw triggered this in me.
I have a sudden urge to read Vampire!AU stories. .___. But I can't seem to find any Super Junior related. =[ Oh well.
Recently there has been a few plot bunnies in my mind.. Unfortunately I just can't seem to type it out. Perhaps it isn't as strong as it seems... or maybe I'm just too lazy. Whatever it is, it's kind of driving me insane, because I really want to write, but at the same time, don't. @.@
Plus the BTS of the CeCi photoshoot is giving me such inspiration.. Ughh. Maybe it'll be easier if there's someone to roleplay with me. Haha. Hmm.. Maybe. xD Anyone interested? Hahaha.
This definitely made my day. I laughed so hard. XD
Aww, Yesungie doesn't like to be paired with Ryeowookie! XD
Or any other members for that matter.. It's okay Jongwoon, we'll pair you up with Sungmin. XD~! AHAHAHHAA.
Omg. *bricks self*
Well.. I couldn't help it. T___T Really, my fandoms are going to cost me a lot. And it's not just short term.
Anyway.. Sungmin's so adorable. XD I don't even know what to say. XD! It's so cute how he's only bothered about eating and he doesn't even care whether he wins or not. <3 Oh my darling~ Although I was hoping he will win, LOL. I'm so biased.
But the disappointment died down when I noticed he didn't even care. Lol. I laughed instead. XD How cute. <3
Good job on doing the dumplings though, Min!♥